The Realization
by indulgance rodent
Summary: [jake-tobias slash] After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before. [chapter FIVE now up, reviews appreciated!]
1. one

-title: The Realization  
-author: indulgance rodent  
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com  
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.   
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and tapps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of these characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.   
-author's note: okay guys, this is slash. If anyone doesn't like the idea of two guys together, he or she should hit the back button and go read something else. I don't think I made it too graphic, it's not nc-17 or anything like that, but some people are offended by the very notion. You have been warned. Also, from now on, updates will be noted in the summary, but not added on as a new chapter. They'll simply be added to the bottom of the story in the same fashion it's set up in currently. Enjoy ^__^  
  
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The night air was cold against his face as Jake shut the back door to his two-story house. With a shiver, he silently cursed the night's chill and crept stealthily around the side of his home. Safe in the shadowed space between the building and the garage, Jake decided that owl was the best way to morph for a midnight fly, stretched, and began to shift forms. The process was so familiar to him by then it hardly took any effort what so ever and it was only a matter of seconds before an owl rested where the boy once stood.  
  
Fighting for over three years had made it routine to do things such as this. Sneaking out of the house was something Jake was sure all seventeen year olds had done at least once in their lives, but definitely not for the same reasons. With his new shape, Jake launched into the air and wondered what he would have been doing at that very moment had he been one of those "normal" teenagers instead of a warrior in the most secret war in the history of earth, but then quickly dismissed the very idea. ((No use playing What If games, Jake,)) he thought to himself, a silent sigh echoing through his mind.   
  
((No, Jake, you're not normal,)) he silently scorned again, ((the night's happenings, if nothing else, proved that.)) It was a magnificent battle, if you were to look at it aesthetically, a plethora of events jammed into an hour and a half's worth of fighting that made his "General" side both proud and simultaneously ashamed. Sure, they'd won, but at too many costs.  
  
That was what his private mission was about that night. Only a few hours prior, they'd gotten a crushing blow in on the Yeerk force, but one of their clan hadn't been seen afterward. He hadn't died, Jake was sure. But he did have a hunch that something rather significant had occurred while the rest of the Animorphs had escaped and Tobias had been left behind in the Yeerk Pool a bit longer.  
  
As Tobias's territory came into view, Jake reduced his altitude, then swooped to the ground. Deftly assuming his natural body, he once again felt the chill of the November air on his bare arms and legs and face. Walking further toward Tobias's area of the forest, his thoughts drifted back to the battle. The plan was to use one of their three newest discovered Pool entrances and infiltrate, posing as Controllers. Once the Animorphs had chosen the entrance (a "storage" room in a video game store), they decided who would pose as a Controller, and who would be a Yeerk inside of their heads. The end result was that Cassie morphed Yeerk and rode in Rachel's brain, Ax in Marco's brain, and Jake in Tobias's head. It didn't seem too complicated, if the young warriors had only known...  
  
A pain shot through Jake's foot, jerking him out of the thoughts he'd drifted into. "Stupid stick," he muttered bitterly at the twig he'd stepped on, hoping that it found his words somehow hurtful or insulting. Shivering, he quickened pace, and then slowed at the sight of his goal.  
  
Leaning against the tree he perched in at night, Tobias stood with his back to the direction from which Jake approached; yet the boy's leader knew that Tobias sensed him drawing near. He approached slowly, afraid that he might somehow startle his friend, careful not to step on any more stray sticks in his bare feet. "You made it out," Jake said quietly to announce his arrival formally.  
  
Tobias, still in the clothes that Rachel had given him so long ago to wear in human morph (a black tee-shirt, baggy dark blue jeans, Vans shoes, and thick hemp necklace--giving in to his tastes that obviously varied from hers), turned around to look at his friend. He didn't speak, just shrugged and sat on the ground next to his perch tree. Walking over to his side, Jake felt the soft splatters of midnight rain falling onto his shoulders and face, then sat next to Tobias. "Care to tell me what happened?" he asked gently, ignoring the sprinkling water from above.  
  
Sitting in quiet contemplation for a bit, Tobias finally replied, "I had to hide, so while you guys were fleeing, I ducked behind a storage shed and found a safe place to hide out until I got brave enough. Then I sprinted toward the exit, making sure to stay low behind the rows of sheds and cages. Finally, I reached the stairway and bolted up." With a sigh, he fell silent again, letting it sink into his leader's mind a bit. "Obviously, I fell into the same fucking trap that I did during our first battle," he added bitterly, swiping some strands of hair from his face and turning back to face the boy that had come to visit him.  
  
"What do you mean?" Jake asked, knowing in the back of his head exactly what Tobias meant but not wanting to admit it outright. When he didn't reply, Jake reached out and touched Tobias's back lightly to get his attention, figuring he was lost in his own little world. To his surprise, he found that his friend was trembling ever so slightly. Why, he wondered? Anger, sadness, the wind chill? "Tobias?" he asked softly.  
  
Slowly, Tobias came out of his daze and said, "I'm worthless now, Jake. Getting out of the Yeerk Pool took longer than two hours." With a sigh, he went on. "I don't know what to do. I can't fight now, my power is gone, and I have no place to stay, no way to get food... What's going to happen to me?" The look that he then gave Jake nearly broke the soldier's heart. Photos from magazines of starving children, and those Precious Moments figurines popped into his head. Tobias's eyes were filling with tears that he hoped wold blend in with the rain, which fell harder now, and they looked to Jake for some sort of solution. Simultaneously hopeful and hopeless, Jake thought subconsciously, Tobias had never seemed so ... beautiful.  
  
((What?)) he then thought to himself. ((Where did that come from?)) To his friend, he only said, "We'll think of something, Tobias. You should know better by now than to think that we would even consider leaving you out here to starve in a tree." More silence followed the nod that Tobias offered without a word. Jake didn't want to disturb his meditating friend, as he was obviously deep and thought and not to be trifled with in his frame of mind. So he simply watched him, observed Tobias while he sat there in the rain, silent, motionless. One word echoed throughout Jake's mind: "beautiful."  
  
((Yes,)) he thought confusedly, ((Tobias is very beautiful. The way the rain makes his hair damp and fall like that, his eyes, his thin-but-toned structure -))  
  
((NO!)) another part of Jake's mind screamed in response. ((This is wrong. It's not right to think about Tobias that way. He's your friend, your fellow warrior, and ... a guy.))  
  
But the more he thought about it, the more that Jake's admiration for Tobias grew. Plus, he was filled with an overpowering urge to protect him. ((Here Tobias is, in a terrible situation he doesn't deserve but will inevitably blame himself for, turning to me, his leader, for help,)) Jake thought with an inner sigh. He wanted very badly to suddenly come up with a brilliant scheme to fix the problem right away, but nothing came to mind. Instead, he thought up a temporary idea about living arrangements for his friend. As Tobias withdrew from his trance of thought once more, Jake gently instructed, "Go to the hayloft in Cassie's barn and get some sleep there. Tomorrow morning we'll hold a meeting and discuss the problem at hand, and you can spend the night with me. The night after that, you can go to Marco's. Sound good?"  
  
Tobias nodded and stood to leave for the hayloft. "Thanks, Jake," he mumbled softly. With that, he began to walk off into the woods, then paused to face his leader and whispered, "Jake?"  
  
"Yeah?" he replied curiously.  
  
"I can't fly anymore," came Tobias's nearly inaudible statement. Losing his battle with his emotions, he didn't want Jake to see him cry and instead turned his back and stood very still. For Tobias, flying was something meaningful on multiple levels. With the way he grew up (neglected and uncared-for by his aunt and uncle, bound by petty rules made up mostly to have needless power over the boy), the sense of freedom that came along with the gift of flight was so very deserved to Tobias. It justified some sort of conflict deep inside. With his hawk form, he could escape to the skies and clouds, soaring over thermals and riding wherever the wind and wings took him... but not anymore. Tobias was once again chained to the ground, and his only release was snatched from him cruelly.  
  
He trembled more visibly now, mostly from the effort of trying not to cry. Giving in a bit to the nagging in his stomach, Jake stood up, walked to Tobias's side, and wrapped his arms around him. Reciprocating his leader's actions, the youth hugged him back and finally cried. Through his sobs, Tobias mumbled softly about things like not knowing what to do, feeling useless, and wishing that the "whole damned war" would just go away. Most of it wasn't understandable, but Jake made consoling sounds and patted his back softly, allowing the shuddering Tobias to literally cry on his shoulder. Above all, Jake marveled over how good and right it felt to have Tobias in his arms...  
  
This thought disturbed Jake. He didn't think that he was gay, because he'd never been attracted to a guy before, yet he'd crushed on and loved girls. His relationship with Cassie had been wonderful, and they'd been together for over a year before drifting apart. Girls caught his eye, not guys. Except for Tobias, which didn't make any sense to him at all...  
  
His tears tapered off slowly and soon Tobias, exhausted from the evening's stress and his weeping, rested delicately in Jake's arms, his body leaned against that of his friend. As his chest began to rise and fall more rhythmically (not hiccuping and shuddering as it did while he sobbed) and he seemed to be falling asleep, Jake instinctually adjusted his own breathing pattern to match that of his fellow warrior. He then rested his head on Tobias's, letting his mind wander, thankful for the tree behind them that would help to support their weight better.  
  
((Why am I feeling this way?)) Jake asked himself curiously. ((Is it Tobias?)) Thinking back, he'd always admired the boy a little, but it wasn't anything recognizable, just a small respect that had slowly and silently grown into more. As he thought about this, he examined the slumbering boy in his arms. Well, he certainly wasn't macho, Jake quickly observed, and Tobias seemed almost feminine when compared to Jake. Tobias was tall and thin, but not scrawny - his muscle was lean and catlike, in contrast to the oxen that called themselves football players. Plus Tobias's features were deep and intense - sea blue eyes that squinted ever-so-slightly, holding the sorrows and wisdom of a fallen angel, behind long eyelashes, high-ish cheek bones and an almost pouty mouth. His sandy-blond hair, usually parted in the middle (but not perfectly), hung to about the middle of his ears and often fell in his face. It was usually a little messy, but given his style, it suited him, and it complimented his facial features nicely...  
  
The other Animorphs had suspicions that Tobias could, perhaps, be mildly bisexual, but they never said anything about it to him. Where they got the idea wasn't quite clear, it was just a "vibe," as Marco put it, and they didn't have any real proof--after his relationship with Rachel had ended, Tobias hadn't gotten involved with anyone, male or female. But this wasn't anything important, it didn't change him at all in their eyes--at least not that Jake was aware of. He was still Tobias, the Bird Boy, their eyes in the sky, and ultimately, their friend.   
  
((Hey, maybe that's it,)) Jake considered as he shifted Tobias's weight from his right arm to his left, ((maybe I'm mildly bisexual like Tobias is suspected to be?)) Yet somehow that didn't seem to compute either. After analyzing the whole situation for several minutes, Jake finally concluded that he was, in fact, straight... except for his interest in Tobias. This seemed acceptable to Jake, and gave him a temporary feeling of calm and resolution.  
  
Emerging back to reality from his thoughts, Jake strained to look at his watch and note the time. It was 2:13am, earlier than Jake had thought it to be, but late enough that he should begin his trek home. In one fluid motion, he gently detached the now-rain-soaked Tobias from his side, steadied him a bit, and scooped him up into his arms as he would a small child. It wasn't hard to carry Tobias at all, because he was rather light and was too busy sleeping to put up any trouble. Cradling the boy to his chest, Jake began the long walk through the woods and meadows toward Cassie's barn. He walked as quickly as he could manage while maneuvering around various rocks, sticks, and trees, careful not to wake his passenger. Halfway there, however, his cargo began to awaken on his own accord. Tobias's eyes opened slightly and he cast an extremely confused look at Jake, glanced at his surroundings, and shifted his gaze back to his leader. Pausing momentarily, Jake offered to let him walk the rest of the way, but Tobias shook his head, mumbled incoherently, and fell back asleep in a matter of seconds. Grinning, Jake continued walking until they finally reached the barn door.   
  
"Tobias," he whispered to the boy as he shook him gently, "wake up, we're there." When Tobias didn't stir, Jake sighed and fumbled with the sliding door handle on the side of the barn, trying not to drop his friend in the process. Opening it with his elbow and holding it in place with his foot, Jake ducked into the barn and walked cautiously through the dark. Setting Tobias on a bale of hay, he sat for a second and let his eyes adjust to the light and then once again tried to awaken his friend.  
  
Slowly, Tobias's eyelashes fluttered a little and he sat up. Looking around and stretching a bit, he gathered his wits and remembered what was going on. Standing, he met Jake's uneasy gaze. "Uhm, I don't really want to be alone right now," he mumbled, still in the process of waking up. He then shrugged and climbed the ladder up into the hayloft.  
  
Jake moved nearer to the ladder once Tobias had disappeared over the top and opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. Finally, he asked quietly, "Do you want me to sit up there with you until you fall asleep?" Latching his index finger around the nearest rung of the ladder, he added, "Keep you company?"  
  
The yawning face of his companion peeked over the ledge of the hayloft, nodding as he replied with a simple "Sure." As Jake began ascending, however, Tobias went on, his eyes cast toward the floor of the hayloft. "I really feel stupid about this entire thing." After a pause, he muttered, blushing, "Especially embarrassed about crying like I did."  
  
"Don't feel dumb about being upset," Jake countered dismissively as Tobias pulled him from the ladder and helped him onto the wooden floor. "I would be if I was in your position, no doubt about it. You have every right to react to your situation, okay?"  
  
"Nothing ever seems to work out for me, does it?" Tobias reflected bitterly to nobody in particular, rubbing his eye and obviously not trying to go back to sleep. "My parents, school, my aunt and uncle, the whole thing with Rachel, and now this fine mess." He sighed heavily and addressed Jake directly, asking, "Did Rachel ever tell you why she really broke up with me?"  
  
Jake thought for a moment and shrugged. "All she told me was that you weren't the same guy she knew a few years ago, that you'd changed too much."  
  
A small tug pulled at the corner of Tobias's mouth and his brow creased. "Half truth," he muttered distantly, "the rest being that, well, I told her something that she didn't particularly like." Glancing up to see Jake looking back expectantly, an eyebrow arched, he quietly revealed, "Well, I told her that I'm bisexual, Jake." Immediately after, his words much more rushed and defensive, he added, "But I don't see why she got so upset about that. It's not like I was interested in anyone--male or female--other than Rachel. I've never been with a guy, never told anyone before her, but she refused to accept that. She was disgusted by the fact that I -could- be attracted to guys." Another deep sigh, then he went on, saying, "I sort of swore off love and the whole relationship thing since then because it hurt so much to lose Rachel over something like that. It was like I revealed a deeper part of myself to her and she just spat on it, and I can feel it every time I look at her. It hurts, Jake, I trusted her. Thinking back, I can't even remember why I told her in the first place."  
  
"I'm sorry, Tobias," Jake murmured as he caught himself staring at his friend. The way Tobias moved his hands when he spoke, every so often shaking his head (causing a few strands of hair to fall into his face, which he quickly swiped away out of habit)... it just had Jake downright mesmerized. He and Tobias were sitting Indian-style on the floor, facing each other, so he knew that despite his ranting, Tobias had noticed him staring.  
  
Suddenly, Tobias looked Jake squarely in his eyes and asked, "Does it bother you at all? I should have asked before I spilled my guts, because some people are just weirded out by the whole thing..."  
  
Jake's face grew hot as he felt himself blush. "No," he replied, "not at all. The only reason most people freak out is because they're insecure about their own sexuality, and they need to take it out on someone." Offering a shrug, he left it at that.  
  
Hesitating at first, Tobias asked carefully, "Well, uh, what about you, Jake?"  
  
"Straight," Jake replied automatically, then felt bad as Tobias nodded and looked away. ((He trusted me with his secret, I might as well return the favor,)) he thought. "Well... I don't know. Guys don't really appeal to me, except--and this is going to sound so stupid--except that there's this one guy that I can't seem to get out of my mind."  
  
This caught Tobias's attention again, and he gazed at his friend curiously. "Who, if I may ask?" he inquired shyly, and Jake couldn't read the expression on his face.  
  
((Do I want to tell him flat-out?)) Jake silently contemplated. No, he decided, it would be better for Tobias to figure it out for himself. "I'd feel stupid just saying it, so how about you try guessing?" He felt his blush deepen further, glad that the barn was dark, but regretting having said anything about it in the first place.  
  
A slight grin played on Tobias's lips as he began to feel more relaxed and comfortable. Jake hadn't freaked out at him, and even confided that he wasn't completely alone. "Marco? That's the obvious first guess, since he's your best friend and all." When Jake shook his head in reply, Tobias began to think aloud. "It's not Ax, I'd hope, or your brother..." He laughed a bit at that and added, "That would be very wrong..."  
  
"Eugh," Jake confirmed, wrinkling his nose in disgust at the thought. "No, try again."  
  
"Is it Erek?" Tobias guessed, then immediately said, "No, he's an android. Is it Jack, that kid that lives down the street from you?" Again, Jake only shook his head in reply, so Tobias sighed and said, "I give up then, Jake. Who is it?"  
  
Jake had to clear his throat before he began. "Well, he's gentle and seems kind of fragile at times, but he's really very strong. I admire that most about him, his strength, because he's gone through so much, and if it was me, I'd have snapped long ago. He seems to trust me, and I'd trust him with my life--I have on several occasions, actually." Jake paused, not believing he was actually going through with this, and continued with the clues he was dropping like anvils onto Tobias's head. "He doesn't know how important he is to his friends or their cause, which is everything to him..."  
  
Tobias had that unreadable expression on his face once more, and it grew progressively harder to tell what he was thinking. He wasn't showing any reaction, which Jake knew was deliberate. "Oh," was all he'd uttered. Now it was Tobias's turn to blush, and he busied himself with pushing around some hay as he turned several shades of red and pink. Soon, a shallow, oval-shaped nest was formed in place of a bed. Silently, the blond teenager stripped off his shirt and nestled down into the dry hay. It was nearing 3:30am by then, and he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open.  
  
"You know," Jake spoke softly as his fellow soldier got comfortable and began to drift off once again, "the sacrifice you made tonight wasn't in vain, Tobias. We freed so many people, put in a crushing blow to the Yeerks, and I'm really proud of us. Especially you, for what you've given up--twice." No reply came from the still body of Tobias, only the more rhythmic breathing that came with sleep, and Jake sighed. "Goodnight," he added quietly, standing to leave. On impulse, and feeling more brave now that Tobias was asleep again, he paused, crouched down, and placed a soft kiss on Tobias's left temple (the closest thing to him, as Tobias was laying on his right side). Then he made a very quick exit, via his owl morph.  
  
As Tobias heard the beating of wings leave the barn window, his eyes shot back open. Bringing a hand to his temple, a small smile curled on his lips. Content, he finally fell asleep.  
  
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Awaking, Jake sat up with a start and blinked several times before realizing he was no longer asleep. He wiped the cold sweat from his brow and looked around at his familiar surroundings. The sight of his bedroom brought him back into reality and calmed him down. ((What a nightmare,)) he thought to himself with a slow breath. Rays of warm sunlight shone through the slits in the blinds on his window, and the chirping of birds indicated that it was an autumn Sautrday morning like any other. Jake pushed back his covers and sleepily walked to his closet, grabbed a pair of jeans, and pulled them on over his boxers. The clock on his computer desk read 7:24am.  
  
On a whim, he opened the blinds and gazed out the window. At first he squinted at the brightness of the light, but then he could make out the figure of a person walking slowly toward his house. Through blurred, tired eyes, Jake saw the form of a tall, lean male with messy, sandy hair and a black shirt walking up his driveway. ((Tobias?)) Jake wondered, going from the window to his closet once more--this time to retrieve a shirt. Pulling a dark red tee on, he softly padded down the stairs and opened the front door. "Hey," he greeted casually.  
  
"Hi," his friend replied quietly, looking at his feet at first but bringing his gaze upward to Jake's face. It was warmer than the night before had been, and the midnight rain had left a few puddles here and there. Tobias squinted more than usual through the morning light. "Can I come in?"  
  
"Oh, yeah," Jake said, feeling foolish that he'd just been standing there. Taking a few steps into his house, he opened the door to allow his friend in, shutting it behind him. "What's up?" he asked, trying to sound casual.  
  
"Well, Cassie's dad seems to be an early riser," Tobias reported in a hushed tone, lest another member of Jake's family happened to be awake. "He was in the barn at like 6:00am, so I tried to keep out of sight until he went back into the house, then climbed down and left. I wandered around a bit and decided to come pester you."  
  
"Ah," Jake replied with a nod. "Cassie's dad is always up that early when it's warm enough, I should have warned you about that. Sorry." He blushed a bit and said, "I was about to grab something to eat, you want some?"  
  
Tobias smiled and nodded, removing his sneakers and placing them neatly by the door. "Yeah, that would be great, thanks. I'm starving."  
  
The two of them walked into the kitchen and Tobias sat at the table while Jake looked through the cupboards for something to eat. "I'm not really in a cereal mood," Jake said as he gazed at the boxes of Cheerios and Corn Pops. Reaching upward, he grabbed a couple packages of chicken flavored Ramen noodles and pulled them down. "Are these okay?" he asked Tobias.  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Tobias replied, "as long as it's edible. I'm really not a picky eater at all. I ate mice for a while, remember?" He laughed at this and tucked some hair behind his ear.  
  
Pulling a pan out of a drawer and walking to the sink, Jake nodded. "Yeah, but I'm sure it didn't taste all that bad to you, Tobias." With that, he turned the tap on and ran some water into the pan, then brought it to the stove and set it down. As he turned the flame on beneath the pan, he said, "Now, you'd never catch -me- consuming a rodent. Unless I was paid some nice amount of money for it."   
  
This brought a laugh out of Tobias, and the tension between them was easing. Both were trying not to think about their conversation from the night before, and trying to keep things normal. Tending to their breakfast, Jake said, "Hey, turn on the TV. It's way too quiet in here." He pointed out the remote, which was on the counter, and instructed him to put it onto Mtv2, a channel that plays nothing but music videos 24 hours a day. "Not too loud, though, because I'm not sure who else is awake right now. Can't go about disturbing the peace."  
  
"Right," Tobias replied, turning the volume down a touch. It was playing the song "Sober" by Tool, and Tobias sang along almost inaudibly. "I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbicile. I will only complicate you, trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you, I will chew it up and leave, trust me..." When their food was ready, Jake sat across from him and slid him his bowl. "Smells great, man, thanks."  
  
"No problem," Jake replied. "After we're done eating, though, we should go get the others for a meeting. You know, assess the situation and whatnot."   
  
"Yeah, I'm sure they'll be thrilled to hear that I'm causing more trouble," Tobias cringed and twirled his fork around in his food. He forced a smile and added, "Marco should be fairly entertaining, though, he loves to give me a hard time."  
  
"It's not your fault," Jake stated. "You didn't, like, set out to get trapped again. Besides," he added as an afterthought, "they wouldn't do anything in front of me. I'm pretty sure they're more well-behaved than that, even Marco."  
  
"If you say so," Tobias shrugged, "but if you ask me, the shit hasn't begun to hit the fan. We just had a huge battle, they're not going to be in the best of spirits. Sure, Cassie will be sympathetic, but Rachel will most likely be apathetic or scold me, and Marco will just make some lame jokes. How fun."  
  
((Why is he always so hard on himself?)) Jake wondered. ((It's just a meeting, it's not anything really important.))  
  
The rest of their meal was eaten in near silence, until Jake's mother came into the kitchen around five till 8:00am. "Hey, Jake, why are you up so early?" she asked, looking at her son and his companion with a small amount of confusion. "And who's your friend?"  
  
"Oh, this is Tobias," Jake introduced, and Tobias gave a little wave. "But actually, we were just leaving. Meeting some friends at Cassie's and maybe going downtown." He cast a glance at Tobias and they both stood, abandoning their nearly-finished bowls of noodles and walked to the entryway, putting their shoes on. "Bye Mom," Jake called as they walked out the front door.  
  
"Well, that went well," Tobias joked as they walked down the street. More people were awake now, and it wasn't as empty. Cars drove through puddles and the occasional pedestrian brushed past them. "Can you tell I'm not really wild about having a meeting right away?" he asked quietly, pushing his hands into his pockets. He looked downright bashful. "I kind of want to get used to being human again before we announce it to the rest of the group, you know?"  
  
"That's fine," Jake nodded. He looked at his friend, and immediately saw that the wall had gone up again. Tobias was off in his own world, looking down as he walked and obviously thinking about all sorts of pleasant thoughts. Ridicule, humiliation, all those happy things. Wishing that he could help his friend in some way, Jake found himself looking Tobias over as they walked. He couldn't help it, Tobias was so visually pleasing that Jake's eyes were constantly drawn to him, his body, the presence he had about himself. Not quite sure where they were walking to, Jake led the way along the street and turned toward Cassie's house in case his mother had looked out the window after them, as she often did.   
  
After walking a significant amount, they ended up at Tobias's territory. Jake had noticed that his friend was subconsciously heading in that direction and just went with it. It wasn't until they'd gotten there and Tobias realized where he was that he snapped out of his thoughts and back into the present. Even then, he didn't speak, but walked over to his perch tree and sat at the base. Letting out a half-growl, half-sigh, he finally muttered, "The world seems so small when you're alone."  
  
"You aren't alone Tobias," Jake chided, a few yards away, "and you know it. There are enough people that care about you to make up for those who are dumb enough not too."   
  
Tobias looked up at his leader and said, "You know what I meant."  
  
"Actually, I don't," Jake replied, kneeling next to Tobias. He had to resist the urge to touch him, although every cell in his hand itched to reach out and touch his cheek or his hair. It was only by pretending to crack his knuckles that he managed to keep his hands to himself. "Why do you feel so isolated? You know you have us to turn to, to talk to about anything." Jake made sure to stare Tobias right in the eye as he spoke the last sentence.   
  
"Stuff like last night, where you and I just talked," Tobias began, looking at the ground, "that doesn't happen pretty much at all. The only person that I always felt I could talk to has stopped speaking to me. Cassie just looks at me like I'm another one of her pets that she gets to take care of and chat with in the barn. Marco..." He picked up a stick and began to break it into pieces. "I've never gotten along with Marco very well. Ax is an Andalite, he doesn't understand a lot of human things."  
  
"What about me?" Jake asked cautiously. He didn't want to start something that would make his friend upset, but he couldn't help but try bringing up the conversation from the night before. Every word and action had been permanently etched into his brain.  
  
Shrugging, Tobias continued to make splinters of the poor twig he had in his hands. "I know what you're trying to get at," he said simply, tossing what was left of the stick aside. "I'm not as stupid as I may seem." He looked up at Jake once again and just sighed. Quoting the song he'd been singing along to at the breakfast table, Tobias looked away and said " 'I will only complicate you.' I don't want to corrupt any more friendships, Jake."  
  
And with that, he stood and walked away, leaving Jake to stare after him.  
  
----------  
  
For the rest of that day, there was no sign of Tobias. Jake had morphed falcon and searched the woods and meadows, but to no avail. Figuring that the soldier didn't want to be found, Jake gave up and returned home. ((What did I do?)) he asked himself. ((Last night he seemed almost eager to talk about it, but today, he was so defensive.)) Laying on his bed, Jake stared at the ceiling and occupied his mind by counting the little bumps and lines that were created in the textured paint. The sounds of Incubus played from his stereo, a song that he didn't know the title of.  
  
"Consequence, you'll see, has been stranger than sci-fi of any kind..." the singer told him before Jake threw a pillow at the stereo. When he did it, it simply skipped ahead a song. "So don't let the world bring you down--not everyone here is that fucked up and cold. Remember why you came and while you're alive, experience the warmth before you grow old... So do you think I should adhere to this pressing new frontier, and leave in my wake a trail of fear? Should I hold my head up high..."   
  
Jake growled to himself and turned off the music. Why did it seem like the band was talking right to him?   
  
Then, an idea struck him. Grabbing a piece of paper, he turned the CD back on and put it on track 6. He scribbled down the lyrics and then re-copied them into better penmanship. ((If Tobias wants to use a song against me, fine. I can play that game too,)) he thought. Folding the paper up neatly, he stuck it into his pocket and walked out the door. Luckily, Tobias wasn't at his territory. Jake placed the note at the base of his perch tree and then walked away, congratulating himself silently on finding what may be the solution.   
  
----------  
  
Tobias had been brooding in a bookstore when he saw Cassie walk in. Setting down his book, he tried to slip toward the back, but she'd spotted him. "Tobias?" she called, walking briskly toward him. "Hi, what are you doing here?"  
  
"Oh, nothing," he replied casually. Waving a hand at the shelves of books, he added, "Just catching up on some reading is all."  
  
"Ah, sounds like fun," the girl nodded. Upon being sent an inquisitive look, she added, "I just haven't seen you use your human morph for something like reading before is all." She paused and looked him over. It was apparent that something wasn't right, he seemed in a rush to leave. "Tobias, what's wrong?" When he only gave her a blank look, she prompted softly, "Come on, don't play dumb."  
  
With a sigh, Tobias shook his head, "It's nothing, just a little down is all. Nothing a book and a cup of coffee can't solve." He forced a small grin and turned to walk away, wishing that the world would just leave him alone for a while.  
  
Wandering around downtown for a while, Tobias finally decided to go back to his territory. It was the only place that really felt like home, like he was really safe there. Weaving around trees and other various woodsy things, he finally made it to his tree and slumped down against it. Upon hearing the crinkling of paper beneath him, however, he stood and looked down at a now-crumpled folded piece of lined paper. ((What now?)) he wondered, reaching down and scooping it up. Turning it over in his hands several times, the boy finally opened it and read what was written in a familiar handwriting.  
  
"Meet me in outer space. We could spend the night, watch the Earth come up. I've grown tired of that place, won't you come with me? We could start again... How do you do it--make me feel like I do? How do you do it? It's better than I ever knew... Meet me in outer space. I will hold you close if you're afraid of heights. I need you to see this place, it might be the only way that I can show you how it feels to be inside of you... You are stellar..."  
  
Tobias knew the song and heard every word in his head. Folding it back up, he shoved the piece of paper back into his pocket and leaned against his tree, allowing a few stray tears to loose themselves down his cheeks. ((Jake, why don't you listen?)) he asked silently. ((Why do you have to make everything so hard?)) He then sat, knees to chest, at the base of his tree for a few hours until night fell.  
  
----------   
  
It was well past midnight when he heard it. Jake was lying awake in his bed, staring at his ceiling once more, listening to music. The "plink ... plink" of two stones being tossed at his window caught his attention and he sat up. The night was warmer than the one before, yet he had gone to bed with his clothes on--jeans and his dark red shirt. Pushing back the blanket, he walked to the window and pulled up the blinds, then opened the window and poked his head out. Sure enough, Tobias peered up at him from below.   
  
"That was easier than I'd thought," the blonde said simply as he brought his half-cocked arm down and dropped the extra pebbles in his hand.   
  
"What are you doing?" Jake hissed down to him. Not that he minded having Tobias there, trying to get his attention, but what if he'd awoken someone else in the house? He had to work extra-hard to push away the wave of hypothetical situations that bubbled in his mind like shaken Dr. Pepper inside of a dropped two-liter.  
  
"Come down here," his friend replied, "and meet me at my territory." With that, he ran off in the direction of the aforementioned rendezvous.   
  
((What..?)) Jake wondered. He'd expected some sort of response out of Tobias when he'd placed the lyrics at his tree, but this was a little out of the ordinary. As quietly as he possibly could, he shut the window and blinds, then crept out of his bedroom. The stairs would be more difficult, because the fourth from the bottom squeaked, as did the second from the bottom, so he would have to step very carefully. When he finally reached the door, he slipped his shoes on and, ever so carefully, opened the door, stepped outside, and shut it.   
  
Rather than running, as Tobias had, Jake chose to walk--albeit quickly. He did quicken his pace once he reached the woods, however, as he'd started to grow anxious about what would happen. What did Tobias have planned? Another cold remark and a lecture? A conversation about how he appreciated the action, but didn't feel the same for him? More secrets?  
  
Pressing through the darkness and the trees, he finally reached the clearing in Tobias's territory that held his perch tree. There was Tobias, sitting on the ground, leaned back against the tree, another one of his unreadable expressions on his face. He stood when Jake began to approach him. Without a word, Tobias walked over to Jake and hugged him--certainly not what the boy had expected. "Thank you," he whispered into Jake's ear.   
  
A small smile formed on Jake's face out of relief. "For what?" he asked, returning the hug, letting the boy linger in his arms. A million and a half thoughts flew around in Jake's brain, and he found himself getting a little light-headed... but in a good way...  
  
"For making me get out of my phase of self-pity and helping me realize that maybe you really mean it," Tobias replied. He pulled out of the hug and looked Jake in the face (not in the eyes, though, he wasn't sure he could do that). Blushing into several shades of red, Tobias asked quietly, "Can I... can I kiss you, Jake?" When Jake nodded, Tobias leaned forward and softly brushed his lips against those of his friend, a little surprised when Jake reciprocated.   
  
It was so tender, so sincere, that Jake was a little surprised himself, but then he found himself not thinking, just acting. Drunken on the moment, he closed his eyes and parted his lips, inviting Tobias to take the kiss further. The blonde boy was happy to oblige, slipping his tongue past Jake's lips and running it slowly over Jake's in a rhythm that matched the rising and falling of his chest as he breathed. It wasn't the sort of kiss that you saw on television--all lust, crazed hunger, practically swallowing the other person. No, this was different, slower, with something else behind it other than lust. Their lips and tongues danced slowly, each movement deliberate, and Jake leaned back against a tree, relishing it. He'd waited for this, but he had no idea what it would be like. When he felt Tobias's hand move from his shoulder to his collar, tugging lightly on his shirt, he removed it automatically, then pulled Tobias's off as well. Jake had seen Tobias shirtless before, but this was different--he gazed at him for a moment, taking in the sight of him, his lean, toned torso. Then he caught Tobias's mouth up for another kiss, more aggressive this time.   
  
Where he was going to take this, Jake didn't know. But when he felt Tobias's fingers brushing the skin over his back and shoulders, a shiver crawled up his spine. "Lay down," he instructed quietly. They didn't break apart as the two of them kneeled and lowered to the ground, Jake on top, supporting his weight with his hands on either side of Tobias, who lay on his back.  
  
Still, in the back of his mind, Jake could hear something nagging at him. ((Be careful,)) it said, ((don't lose yourself. This can't go too far. You're already pushing your limits.)) As Jake began to kiss Tobias again, and nuzzled his ear, the voice faded a little. "This is so wrong," Jake whispered.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Tobias replied, unaware of the fact that Jake hadn't meant to say it out loud, "this is so incredibly right..." He reached up and ran his fingers through Jake's brown hair, pulled Jake's face back to his and kissed him deeply.   
  
"Yeah," Jake managed to say between kisses. It was almost ridiculous how passionate they'd gotten all of a sudden. Bending his elbow a little to lower himself closer to Tobias, pinning him, he began to kiss and nibble his neck, getting a low moan out of the boy. "We shouldn't...go too far..."  
  
"Right," Tobias agreed, wrapping an arm around Jake's waist and pulling him closer to himself. "You should be going back ..." Running his fingers lightly up and down Jake's back, he began to push the boy away a little, knowing that it wouldn't be easy for either of them to stop once they got too caught up in what theywere doing.  
  
Breaking apart, Jake and Tobias gazed at each other. "You're right," Jake sighed, sitting up. Tobias sat up as well, smiling a little. "Uhm, where does it go from here?" Jake asked.  
  
"Don't ask something like that, Jake," Tobias replied, shaking his head. "One thing I've learned is to never try to plan out the future; it doesn't listen to you." Leaning in for a final kiss, he brushed Jake's lips softly with his own.  
  
"True," Jake replied, standing to leave. He helped Tobias to his feet as well, the added, "Maybe it's best you don't stay at my house tonight." With a grin, he turned and walked home.  
  
----------  
  
The sun beat down on Tobias's eyelids, forcing them to open ever-so-slightly and squint at the morning, and the rock that jabbed into his side woke him up the rest of the way. Grumbling and sitting up, he rubbed his eyes a second and looked around at his surroundings. He'd fallen asleep by his perch tree in his territory, heeding Jake's advice against sleeping over that night--things had been weird, their mutual realization kicked their hormones into a higher gear than they'd expected them to go. ((If Jake wasn't such a good kisser,)) Tobias thought, ((I would almost regret letting myself be so impulsive... almost.))  
  
He stood then, brushed the dirt and grass from his jeans and torso, and stretched. Scooping his black tee-shirt up from the ground a few feet away, then pulling it on, he wondered what he'd do about breakfast--though he could always go pester Jake again. It was then that he remembered the meeting that they never got around to holding, and Cassie in the bookstore thinking he was in morph. "Ughhh," he muttered aloud, pulling his shoes on and tying the laces.  
  
Walking through the forest, he let his mind drift about as usual, thinking mostly about the day before--all of the things that were said, the strange occurances, and most of all the Ramen noodles Jake had fixed for them. Tobias put a hand over his growling stomach, as though the action would somehow quiet it, and pressed on through the trees until he came to Cassie's farm. Not wanting to be noticed by any stray parents, or even Cassie for that matter, he stayed behind the treeline and went around the feilds to the road, then walked right past on the sidewalk.   
  
Digging into his jeans pocket, he disovered a few coins and some bills, and seriously considered McDonald's or some small cafe for breakfast, but decided against it. The back of his mind was nagging at him, reminding him of how much he wanted to see Jake again. With something of a sigh, he walked toward Jake's house for the second morning in a row.  
  
Quietly strolling up the sidewalk to the front door, Tobias was met by Homer, Jake's dog. "Hey Homer, c'mere boy," he whispered, patting his leg to call the dog. The golden retriever happily obliged and trotted over, sitting obediently at Tobias's feet while the boy scratched behind his ears and along his neck. "Good boy," Tobias added, crouching down to be more at the same level as Homer. He continued petting and scratching the dog for a few moments, then looked up at Jake's window. ((Light's on,)) he observed, and stood to walk around to the side of the house.   
  
Scooping up a handfull of pebbles and small stones, he took careful aim at Jake's window. ((Fire one,)) he thought, flinging one up and hearing a satisfying "plink" as it hit. He paused a moment, and after no answer came, threw another. ((Fire two.)) Finally, Jake opened the window, stuck his head out, and grinned.  
  
"Hey," Jake called down, resting an arm on the windowsill. "What are you doing?"   
  
Habitually tucking some strands of hair behind his ear, Tobias replied, "Taking a walk, building up an apitite. Don't suppose you're awake enough to let me in, are you?" As an afterthought, headded, "Unless you've got something better to do. That is, I don't want to impose..." Blood rushed to his cheeks as he felt himself blush, and then he un-tucked the hair behind his ear to let it hide some of his face as he looked at the ground for a moment.  
  
"Oh, no, you wouldn't be imposing," Jake said with a wave of his hand, "you should know that. Let me get dressed, see who all's awake. I'll meet you down at the door in a few minutes." He vanished behind the dropped blinds, emerging from the front door minutes later. "It's almost 9:00am, d'you want to just go somewhere and eat? We can gather the others afterward. Have that meeting."  
  
"Right, the meeting," Tobias replied, nodding a little. "Sure, I guess that's cool. I don't really have a lot of money, though..." He trailed off and dug into his pockets, fishing out his money to show his friend. "So uhm ... how about someplace cheap?" His blush returned a little, lightly tinging his cheeks and nose.  
  
Pausing as though to debate to himself, Jake finally nodded. "They make some good pancakes at McDonald's. Come on."   
  
The pair walked casually along the sidewalk toward the city, minds buzzing. Tobias reached out toward Jake's hand subconsciously a few times, startling himself when he felt flesh brush against flesh, and finally just cossed his arms over his chest. Neither of them spoke for a long time, and it was Tobias who broke the silence. "You're awfully quiet," he mumbled, "what's on your mind?"  
  
Jake put his arm around Tobias's shoulders, buddy-buddy-style, but his face didn't mirror the gesture. "I was thinking about what you said before, about being afraid of what the others would think about us." He stopped walking and chewed his lip for a moment before going on. "I was thinking... well... I was thinking that they don't really need to know." Jake felt his face go hot as he realized how that sounded. "Not that I'd be ashamed of you or anything," he added hurriedly, "but it could cause tension in the group, particularly between myself and Rachel. It's never good to have tension when there's the possibility of a mission coming up." Wincing, he realized once more that he'd made himself sound insensitive. "I'm just... I'm just going to shut up now."  
  
After a moment, Tobias just turned and planted a kiss on Jake's nose. "No, I understand, trust me. It's not like anyone else goes around announcing their relationships to the group. Well," he added as an afterthought, "except for Marco, but that's different. When he gets a date, it ought to be declared a national holiday." He grinned and ducked out of Jake's arm. "It's fine, okay?" He looked down the road, then gestured at the familiar golden arches. "C'mon, I'm half-starved here."  
  
----------  
  
When she finished tending to her favourite raccoon's broken hind leg, Cassie picked up a broom and began to push the hay and dirt on the floor into a neat pile. The gray stone floor eventually peeked through satisfactorily, so the girl leaned the broom against the wall nearby. She was just approaching a row of birdcages with some seed and sedated rodents when the door squeaked open and two boys strode in. The first was tall, trim, and strong with dark brown hair, while the other was a bit shorter and thinner with messy blonde hair and eyes with a slight squint. Both were grinning, but silent, the blonde boy sipping orange juice daintily through a straw from a McDonald's cup.  
  
"Hey guys," she said brightly to Jake and Tobias, who'd walked into the barn and collapsed onto a bale of hay. She smiled at Jake, who politely showed his teeth in return before looking away. "You two are here pretty early, what's up?" The falcon in the cage nearest to her gave a small, impatient cry, trying to reach the food in her hand through the metal bars.  
  
"I was thinking that we need to have a meeting," Jake replied, casually taking the McDonald's cup from Tobias' hand, removing the top, and taking a swig before handing it back. "Talk about the mission, what worked for us and what went wrong. Also," he added, and Cassie thought she saw him glance at Tobias, who'd busied himself trying to pet an injured fox through a cage, "we've got a minor problem that needs to be dealt with." He gestured toward the door and said, "You ought to call Rachel and Marco, tell them to be here as soon as possible. I'll search the woods and meadows for Ax." Before Cassie could respond, the boy had already begun morphing. She sent a confused look to Tobias while a peregine flew through the loft window, but the blonde only shrugged and sipped his orange juice.  
  
Within fifteen minutes, the group was assembled in the barn, lounging on hay bales and looking tired. Marco seemed particularly disgruntled about being roused from bed before noon. "So," he muttered, rubbing his eyes, "what's this all about? I have a dream date with Angelina Jolie to get back to." He pushed some raven hair from his eyes and stared intently at his leader. "If you don't mind, I'd really like to return to that before she gets impatient and leaves me for Josh Hartnett or something."  
  
Jake chose to ignore Marco's comments, cleared his throat, and spoke. "First of all, I want to congratulate you all on such a successful mission. By Ax's calculations, we freed over four thousand humans and three hundred Hork-Bajir. Two high-ranking controllers--one being Visser Seven--were killed." His eyes kept straying off the group toward the floor, but his speeh remained consistent. "I'd estimate that equipment-wise, we did hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage to the pool and their external base." His tone was firm, informative, not proud and congratulatory. Cassie tried once more to smile at him, but she couldn't manage to catch his eye.   
  
"Well, don't seem -too- happy," Rachel murmured through a grin. "If we did so great, why are you stuck in robot-mode?"  
  
Jake glanced back at his cousin. "Hmm," he started, then paused. "Uhm, well, there were certain consequences that came with our victory. Our Hork-Bajir allies suffered many casualties, and one of us has been put out of commission." At that, all eyes lit with realization and slid to the blonde boy in the back. An unreadable expression on his face, Jake mumbled to the barely-listening group, "Due to circumstances beyond his control, Tobias was forced to stay in human morph longer than two hours." Something heavy caught in Cassie's throat and slowly sank into her stomach, and she wasn't sure if it was caused by the news that had just been layed out, the unreadable expression on Jake's face, or the desperate look Tobias was sending to his leader. "Of course," Jake said quickly, raising his voice, "we'll figure something out. Nobody in this group will ever be left behind or forgotten. First of all, it's getting colder and I don't think the barn is warm enough at night. Marco, think of a story and arrange for Tobias to stay with you for the next week or so." Marco seemed about to say something, but decided against it and simply nodded. "Secondly, we need to know how the Yeerks are dealing with the last battle. This means a spy mission as soon as possible--probably bug morph at the next Sharing meeting." The group all nodded solemnly, aside from Tobias, who stared steadily at Jake and was gnawing on his straw.   
  
"Anything else?" Cassie asked quietly. She felt that there was something heavy weighing on Jake's mind that he was reluctant to speak about. Something significant. During his speech to the group, he sounded as if he were on auto-pilot, and his mind was definitely somewhere else.  
  
"No," he replied. "That's pretty much it. You guys can go." As the last words trailed from his lips, Jake seemed to relax. Rachel stood and left quickly without a word, while Marco approached Tobias and mumbled something about arriving before dinner before making his exit. Stepping back to the row of cages behind her, Cassie lifted a bag of birdseed and began to carefully ration some out between a sparrow and three robins. Out of the corner of her eye, she could have sworn she saw Jake briefly grasp Tobias's hand and whisper something into his ear as he brushed past him toward the door, but quickly shook it from her mind.  
  
---------- 


	2. two

-title: The Realization  
  
-author: indulgance rodent  
  
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com  
  
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.   
  
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.   
  
-author's note: i've obviously changed my mind about the whole "no more chapters" thing, due to popular demand. also, i don't speak a word of spanish, so if i screwed anything up, don't lynch me. enjoy ^__^  
  
-----------------------  
  
Marco wasn't overly thrilled about the idea of sharing his living space with Tobias, but something in the look in Jake's eye told him not to complain. He invented a tale about Tobias' uncle being out of town and not wanting him to stay alone in the seedier part of the city. "You saw the news last night, Pops; seventeen armed robberies this week alone," he'd said, fighting to keep a serious tone and a straight face. His father was very cooperative, not asking any further questions. When Tobias arrived around 5:00pm that evening, Marco ushered him in from the apartment building hallway and showed him to his bedroom. "I'd offer you the bed, but it really isn't any more comfortable than the floor," he muttered apologetically. Not long after, Jake showed up to see how things were going. "Smooth as silk, man," Marco reported. "Pops totally bought everything and Tobias is good to stay here for the next week."  
  
"Excellent," Jake replied.   
  
They chatted casually about everyday stuff--whether or not Maggie Gyllenhaal was hot, bands that should be executed by lethal injection for the crimes against humanity they'd commited by making music, favourite kool-aide flavours--until Marco stood up and announced, "I have to piss like a motherfucker. Excuse me." He carefully stepped through the mess of his room and strolled across the hall to the toilet. A minute or so later, he re-emerged, but hesitated outside of his bedroom door. Drastically lowered voices were murmurring within, and Marco got a strage feeling from their hushed tones. Peeking through the crack between the door and frame, he saw his two friends sitting on his bed as they had been; Jake was indian-style, Tobias was leaning against the wall a foot or so away. He couldn't hear what they were saying, but something was defintiely different. Jake laughed and shoved Tobias a little, letting his hand rest on the blond's thigh where it had fallen for a second before pulling it away. ((Interesting,)) Marco remarked to himself, an eyebrow raised curiously. More talking ensued, and then Tobias made a face at Jake, who replied by leaning over and kissing Tobias aggesively. ((Holy shit,)) Marco thought, his eyes now as large as dinner plates, ((ho-lee shit..)) He cupped his hand around his ear, hoping to catch some or their secret conversation.  
  
"Hey, not here," Tobias hissed. "What if Marco sees?"  
  
"Sorry," Jake replied quickly, "I wasn't thinking. Besides, he's been in there for like five minutes. He's probably preening or something."  
  
((Dork,)) Marco thought, ((I don't preen.)) He chose that as the moment to reappear, loudly bumping the door with the heel of his hand as he walked through. Jake and Tobias looked a little too casual, the latter gnawing on his nails as Jake greeted Marco with a wave. "Man, I sure feel better," the Hispanic said brightly, trying to seem natural. The three quickly became engrossed in a conversation about video games, Jake swearing his everlasting loyalty to the Playstation platforms, and Marco almost forgot about what he'd seen earlier. "Honestly, X-Box just has better games," Marco protested. "Look at Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball. That is some high-quality entertainment."  
  
Glancing at his watch, Jake said, "I have to split, it's almost dinnertime and I need to get Sharing information out of Tom." He stood, and Marco noticed him brush Tobias's hand briefly with his own as he did so. He also saw Tobias blush ever-so-slightly and begin gnawing on his nails once more. "See you guys tomorrow."   
  
"Later," Marco replied, offering his friend a slight wave. His mind raced angrily as he watched Jake go, most of it just snatches of thought bouncing around like rubber balls inside his skull. ((My best friend ... keeping secrets ... kissing Tobias ... my BEST FRIEND ... holy shit ...)) Sitting still and glaring at the floor, it took him a few minutes to realize that Tobias was trying to talk to him.  
  
"Marco? Marco, dude, are you alive?" The blond tapped him on the shoulder, causing him to jump. "Sorry, man," Tobias apologized, "I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay? You were totally spaced there."  
  
"H-huh? Oh, yeah. Just tired I guess," Marco lied. "I think dinner's almost ready, I can smell something meat-like coming from the kitchen. Let's investigate." He hopped up from his chair and the boys strode into the kitchen where Marco's father, donning an apron, was stirring something in a pot. Tobias offered to set the table, but Marco's father refused, telling him with a smile that guests weren't allowed to do chores under his roof. Dinner itself was uneventful, and Marco found himself without much of an appatite, his mind still buzzing. Eye contact with Tobias was impossible, so he entertained himself pushing his mashed potatoes around his plate. Finally, his father began to clear the table, shooing the boys away.  
  
A strange silence had settled over Marco's bedroom once he and Tobias were alone together. Clearing a spot for Tobias to sleep on his floor, Marco opened his mouth several times to speak, but always clamped it shut again before letting out a sound. His companion perched back on his bed and occupied himself by staring out the window and tapping his foot absentmindedly against the bedpost. Several minutes into this, Marco dropped the blanket he held and blurted out, "Are you fucking him?"  
  
Tobias froze. "What?" he demanded, all of the colour drained from his face.  
  
"Are you fucking him?" Marco repeated, his eyes glued to the floor. "Jake. Are you and Jake ... Are you -fucking- my best friend?" When Tobias said nothing, Marco looked up and saw that birdboy had gone completely white, his mouth hanging slightly ajar and his eyes wide. "I saw you through the door..." he trailed off, hoping to prompt some sort of response out of the stunned Tobias.   
  
Suddenly finding his voice, Tobias dodged the question, asking simply, "You were -spying- on us?"  
  
"Yes," Marco replied bluntly. "Now answer my question."  
  
Pausing for a moment, Tobias lowered his eyes and said quietly, "No, it's not like that."   
  
"Really? Because it sure as hell -looks- like that," Marco spat back.  
  
"It's not your business," a louder, more bold Tobias pointed out, furrowing his brow. "Why does it matter to you what goes on between Jake and me?"  
  
But Marco had stopped listening. He stared angrily at the floor, fists clenched, muttering to himself, "No puedo creer esto ... mi mejor amigo es un maricon! ¿Por qué él no me dijo? un qué hijo de puta." Pacing back and forth, he continued ranting for several minutes. "No entiendo por qué él no me dijo! Jesús Cristo..."  
  
"Could you at least speak English?" Tobias asked, more than slightly irritated.  
  
"Quiete tu boca, pendejo!" Marco snapped back. "No deseo escuchar usted."  
  
A deep growl rose from Tobias' throat, taking Marco a bit by surprise. "Fine," the blond said flatly. "If you can't handle it, I'll go sleep in Cassie's barn." With that, he rose from the bed and snatched the blanket from Marco's feet, then strode toward the door.   
  
Sighing, Marco slammed the heel of his hand into the wall, turned to face the retreating back of his fellow soldier, and said, "Tobias, wait..." To his surprise, the blond stopped in his tracks, but didn't turn around. "I'm ... I'm sorry. Come back, Jake would kill me if I let you walk out that door." Tobias did as he was told, keeping a wary eye on Marco as he closed the door behind him and tossed the blanket back to its former place on the floor. "Listen, it's not you, okay? I'm just freaked by the whole thing. One minute everything's normal and we're just hanging out, the next minute my best friend is mackin' on another guy. It's like someone threw me into the Twilight Zone while I was taking a piss, you know?" This got a small smile and nod out of Tobias, who remained silent. "And I'm pissed that he didn't tell me. Jake and I, we used to be like brothers. Best best best friends, and lately it's like I don't even exist. It's--"  
  
"Insane?" Tobias interrupted, smirking.  
  
"Yeah."   
  
"So we're cool, then?" Tobias asked tentatively.  
  
"We're about as close to 'cool' as we get," Marco corrected with a nod. "I'm beat, so if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep." 


	3. three

-title: The Realization  
  
-author: indulgance rodent  
  
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com  
  
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.   
  
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.   
  
-author's note: i wrote this in the wee hours of the night/morning. hopefully it's coherent enough.. enjoy ^_^'  
  
---  
  
Though he and Marco had muttered their goodnights several hours before hand, Tobias lay awake on the floor while his companion snored. Afraid to move lest he kick some of the piles of stuff on the floor and make much noise, he stared silently into the darkness and wished to be anywhere else. His mind was filled with a storm of thoughts, mostly about that night. He and Jake had just started out; they hadn't planned on letting anyone know about them until they were more comfortable with the situation themselves. Now Marco knew, and that drastically changed everything. While Marco felt a deep loyalty and friendship for Jake, he'd never held Tobias in high regard at all, sometimes making fun of him before they'd all gotten thrown into the war together. Tobias also knew that Marco had always liked Rachel, and that his fellow soldier had very little class and might use it against him to win her affection. ((But is that a fair assumption?)) he wondered. ((Sure, Marco's done some pretty shallow things to get girls before, but maybe that would be going a bit far...))   
  
Stretching his neck up, Tobias managed to get the red numbered digital clock on the desk nearby into his view. Almost 3:30am. He sighed and lay his head back down. "This is excruciating," he mumbled softly into his pillow. After a slight pause, he sat up slowly and groped the floor around him, reasoning that with all the junk Marco had in his room, a flashlight wasn't beyond hope. He froze when his hand landed on something long, narrow, and cold under his companion's bed. ((Easier than I'd thought,)) he smiled to himself. ((Here's hoping it's really a flashlight and not a dildo or something.)) Lifting it slowly, he clicked it on and shined it toward the direction of the door. Then, trying not to make much noise, the boy stood and stretched his cramped legs, surveying the room around him and planning his escape path. Over the dirty laundry, around the comic books, past the piles of action figures--door.   
  
Upon reaching the living room, Tobias was surprised to find Marco's father in an easychair facing the television. The middle-aged man had his back to where Tobias stood, so the boy couldn't tell if he was awake or not. Holding his breath, he took a step toward the door and hoped for the best. A floorboard creaked; Tobias winced. "Hello?" a tired voice came from the chair. Marco's father turned around and stared at him curiously. "Tobias? What are you doing up at this hour?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep," Tobias replied, edging toward the door. "I was just going to take a walk. I'm sorry if I disturbed you, Mr. Evans--"  
  
"Don't worry about it, you didn't disturb me," Marco's father cut him off, waving a hand dismissively. "It's kind of cold, though. Don't you want a coat or something?" He gestured toward a chair a few feet away, upon which a zip-up hoodie was draped. "It's Marco's, but I don't think he'd mind."  
  
((You'd be surprised,)) Tobias thought, but he pulled the jacket on and said, "Thanks, Mr. Evans. I'll try to be quiet when I come back." With that, he shuffled out the door and into the hallway. ((Aprtment 205-B,)) he memorized, ((third door on the left, second floor, second building...)) Getting lost didn't sound like a very fun idea, nor did knocking on random aparment doors until he got the right one.  
  
Marco's father was right about the cold, which came in the form of winds that whipped strands of Tobias' hair into his face. The boy walked on auto-pilot, his feet taking over where his brain had stepped out. Off in his own little world, Tobias didn't know where he was going until he'd gotten there, but recognized the place as soon as he snapped out of it. Moonlight fell on a set of monkeybars, the wind rustled the chains on a swingest. For some reason or another, Tobias had always come to the primary school playground when he was upset in the past. He and Rachel had used it as a haven when things seemed crazy; Tobias remembered several occasions where the two of them had talked from atop a slide, made out underneath the jungle gym, and pushed each other on the swings until it seemed like there wasn't a war, just the two of them. He even thought he saw her sitting on the see-saw just like she had so many times. He realized with a jolt that she really -was- sitting there.  
  
"Rachel?" he called softly.  
  
As though somebody had screamed something profane, Rachel jumped and turned around. She looked him over carefully, surveyed every inch of him as thought making sure he was real. "Hey," she finally replied. Tobias stepped toward her, and she jerked her thumb at the see-saw next to hers. "You can come sit down if you'd like." The gravel beneath his feet crunched louder than he'd have liked as Tobias approached the oversized popsicle sticks, passed the seat offered to him, and went around to the other side. "What are you doing?" Rachel asked as the boy pushed down on her see-saw, lifting her into the air with a little effort.  
  
"Sitting," he replied simply, bringing his side low enough to climb onto. He kicked off after he mounted, sending Rachel back to the ground. Neither of them spoke for several minutes after that, just see-sawed up and down like children. Soon, the rhythm of their shoes hitting the gravel was broken as Rachel didn't kick back up into the air. Tobias, feet dangling, cleared his throat and said, "I didn't expect to see you here, but I'm kind of glad you are."  
  
"Likewise," Rachel murmurred. She furrowed her brow and looked up at him, stared him in the face for a few seconds, then looked down. "I miss you sometimes," she said, "a lot." With that, she kicked off harder than she had before, launching upward.   
  
After being taken surprise by Rachel's kick, the now-sore Tobias replied, "I miss you, too, and just doing stupid stuff like this with you. Hanging out, talking. I'm still mad at you, by the way," he added, following the girl's example and sending her plummeting. He couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face when she hit the packed-down gravel and her hair flew every which way. "And while I have a pretty good idea as to why you shut me out, it still surprises me. I didn't think you were like that." Their see-sawing became rhythmic again, and silent. Up and down, Rachel always seemed to find something else to look at whenever they passed in mid-air.   
  
"I'm sorry," Rachel mumbled, hardly audible. She sighed heavily and met his gaze, then spoke again, her words louder and more rushed. "I just ... I freaked when you told me that you were ... you know ... and it was wrong of me, I know that, but it seemed like everything was getting so weird when all I wanted was something stable, something--"  
  
"Normal, I know," Tobias interrupted, touching down and peering up at her. He grinned and muttered, "You should know better than that by now, three years into the least normal times any of us have seen."  
  
Rachel shook her head. "That's just it, Tobias," she replied. "I needed that normalcy -because- everything else was so fucked up, not in spite of it. The war, my family ... I needed you, and I needed something simple. What you told me, it was just one more thing, you know? But hey," she added, "I realize now that you're no more bizarre than you were before." Rachel winced, a red tinge colouring her face that Tobias could see even in the dark. "I didn't mean it like that, I swear. It's just that, well, I've been thinking a lot lately ... about us ... and the possibility of maybe--"  
  
"No, Rachel," the boy interrupted again, looking up at her gravely, "there -isn't- a possibility." He watched her open her mouth to protest, then close it bitterly. Kicking off once more, Tobias went on, "I'm sorry, and I never dreamed that it would be like this, but I have to decline. Like you said, everything's fucked up, and we need something normal to grip onto. I found my 'something normal,' and ... even if it isn't really all that normal, I can't let go of it."  
  
Pausing at the ground once more, Rachel asked, "Is there someone else?" The question hung in the air far longer than Tobias had meant it to. So many responses, most of them lies, had rushed to his brain at once that he didn't know what to say. Something of a snort came from Rachel, followed by, "Who is it?" She sounded so much angrier now, the warmth that had been creeping back into her tone all but vanished. Still at a loss for words, Tobias just bit his lip. "You ... you jerk, you..." Rachel trailed off, hands balled into fists. Another snort, and she stood quickly and walked off, sending Tobias crashing to the ground.  
  
Hundreds of replies flew to his lips, but only one slipped out. "Now, I hardly think -I'm- the jerk in this situation," he whispered, laying half-off the see-saw in the gravel, watching Rachel stride off into the night.  
  
---- 


	4. four

-title: The Realization  
  
-author: indulgance rodent  
  
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com  
  
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.   
  
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.   
  
-author's note: another late-night/early-morning scribble. some emotional lamentations and a bit of "macking," as marco would say. enjooooooy!  
  
----  
  
Jake lay in bed, unable to quiet his mind enough to fall asleep. That night at dinner, he'd put on the guise of a curious youth interested in the Sharing, same as he often did when trying to get information about the organization out of his brother. However, he'd somehow been cornered into going to the next meeting, an idea that made him less-than-pleased about the upcoming Wednesday evening. His parents loved that Tom seemed to eager to spend time with Jake, and he couldn't disappoint them, either. As it was, they were on his case about his schoolwork and the fact that he spent very little time at home. He didn't need something else causing a disturbance between them.  
  
With a sigh, the boy decided that sleep just wasn't going to happen. Shoving his blankets to the side, he stood, stretched, and got dressed. ((Maybe all I need is some fresh air to clear my head,)) he considered. The clock in the hallway boomed four chimes as he squeaked the door to his bedroom closed behind him, covering the sound. ((As long as I'm back before 6:30am, nobody will even know I'm gone.)) Down the stairs and out the front door, Jake stepped into the brisk night air. Somewhere in the back of his mind he hoped to run into Tobias, knowing that the blond had trouble sleeping at night. This is why he wasn't very surprised to see a figure shuffling across the street as he neared the schools. Just as he was about to call out to the person, it turned, revealing long hair that swung freely around its head.  
  
"Rachel?" he called softly, trotting up to his cousin. She wiped at her face before looking at him, but didn't say anything. "What are you doing out so late?" Protectively wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he ushered her to the curb and sat her down. Something wasn't right; the girl had been crying.  
  
Opening her mouth and closing it several times without uttering a sound, Rachel continued to wipe at her face before finally saying, "Is it okay with you if ... I mean, can I talk to you about ... something really stupid?" Jake nodded, and she went on, a look of relief and pain blanketing her features. "Okay, you know how Tobias and I broke up a few months ago? Uhm, well he was at the playground tonight and we started talking, and I wanted to try getting back together, but he said we couldn't--" She gasped in a long breath, hiccuped a little as though about to cry, and finally managed to collect herself enough to continue. "He was acting like he was hiding something, and well ... I think he's involved with someone else, but he won't tell me..." She wiped manically at her eyes, obviously self-conscious about the fact that her mascara was all over her cheeks. Jake hadn't said a word, slightly stunned and trying desperately to think of something to say without giving away everything. Rachel took his silence for disinterest, saying softly, "God, you must think I'm dumb for getting so worked up about this. I'm sorry."  
  
"No, not at all," the boy countered quickly. His mind raced for appropriate words. "I'm just not, uhm, used to talking about stuff like this with you." With the arm around her shoulder, he gave her a sideways squeeze. "Honestly, I'm not an expert on stuff like this, but I think you really, uh, hurt Tobias. He probably doesn't trust that you won't hurt him again?" Offering his cousin a slightly puzzled look, he added, "Dr. Phill I'm not, but that's what I'd guess." Smoothing Rachel's hair, he prayed that he didn't sound as much like an idiot as he thought he did.  
  
"This is probably going to sound horrible," Rachel spoke quietly, "but I really hope--" She cut herself off with a dark laugh. "I really hope it's not a guy."  
  
Jake sat frozen, his hand unconsciously clenched around the material of Rachel's jacket. "Why would Tobias be with another guy?" he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.  
  
Sighing, Rachel replied, "He's a bit, erm.." Unable to say the words aloud, the girl lifted her limp wrist into the air. "Not all the way, he's just bi," she finally managed, saying the word like a curse, "but that's part of the reason we split up in the first place. I was telling him about some kids that were picking on a boy in school because he's gay, and how I didn't understand how someone could be attracted to someone that's the same gender as them, and he got all defensive. Finally, he admitted that he was bi and I completely freaked out, even though I shouldn't have." Oblivious to Jake's uncomfortable demeanor, she went on. "Tonight when we were talking, he said that he had something that 'wasn't really normal,' and when I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he wouldn't answer me." Neither of them spoke for a moment; Jake finally let go of his cousin's jacket and Rachel glared bitterly at the pavement. "I feel like such an idiot for even talking to him about it."  
  
"Well, you can't expect Tobias to have been waiting around for you," Jake replied without thinking. "I mean he's a really sensitive guy, and he probably resents what you did." Realizing how mean his words sounded, he hurriedly added, "If it had been the other way around, would you have gone rushing back to him?"  
  
Pausing for a moment to think, Rachel shook her head. "Probably not. But I'm really curious about who he's seeing. Why is he being so secretive about it? Besides that, I can't believe he'd get involved with someone outside of the group, you know? How close could we get to someone that isn't one of us, really? To have to lie to them all the time or not be able to tell them what's going on ... That'd tear me up."  
  
"Maybe it isn't someone outside of the group," Jake murmurred to himself, not expecting Rachel to hear. The shocked look on her face revealed otherwise, and he winced. ((Shit, I just keep digging myself in deeper and deeper, don't I?)) he thought. "But, uhm, I can't see him getting with Cassie or Marco," he added loudly, trying to reassure the girl with softball-sized eyes. "He and Marco -never- got along, and Cassie seems sort of, erm, stuck on me." Jake sighed. "Listen, I'm not very good at this girl talk thing. You should really talk to Cassie about this sort of thing. I'm sorry." He stood to leave, feeling that he could kick himself for putting so many ideas into Rachel's head. His cousin wasn't stupid, and with all of the accidental hints he'd dropped, she was sure to figure something out before long.   
  
"Yeah, see ya," Rachel muttered, staying put on the curb.  
  
Moving toward the playground where Rachel said Tobias had been, Jake replayed the conversation with the girl in his mind. ((Way to go, Jake,)) he thought, ((you might as well have just told her flat-out. In fact, you might as well have worn a tag on your shirt saying, "I'm the person you wish was dead right now." If you'd been any more obvious--)) But his thoughts were cut short by the sight of a familiar figure sprawled at the base of a see-saw a few yards away. Creeping slowly up to the boy, Jake immediately wondered what Tobias was doing in the gravel.  
  
Sitting bolt upright at the sound of an intruder, Tobias looked at Jake and fell back against the ground in relief. "Oh my God, I thought you were Rachel," he explained.  
  
"I just ran into her on the way here," Jake responded, crouching beside the boy at his feet. "She was all shaken up and said she'd spoken with you. She said a few things that nearly made me tell her everything about us." Tobias' eyes shot open and he stared at his lover speechlessly. "I think it's okay, though, so don't worry."  
  
Blinking and shifting his gaze to the side, Tobias sat back up and rested on his hands. Blushing furiously, he blurted out, "Marco knows. He saw us through the doorway and interrogated me after you left."  
  
Heart pounding, Jake asked, "How'd he take it?"  
  
"He's mightily pissed at you for not telling him," the blonde replied matter-of-factly. "Other than that, I don't think he cares very much. He seemed mostly concerned over the fact that you've been ignoring him and keeping secrets instead of being his best friend." They exchanged a look, and Jake nodded solemnly. Tobias inched closer to him and slipped his hand into Jake's. "At first I thought he was going to kill me with his bare hands, but we talked a little and he calmed down."  
  
"That's good," Jake mumbled. He rested his forehead on the space between Tobias' neck and shoulder. The two of them sat like that for a few moments, absorbing each other's presence. Somehow, the night seemed less dark and overwhelming now that they were together. Finally, Tobias shrugged Jake's head from its place and stood, helped his leader up, and led him away from the see-saws. "Where are we going?" Jake asked curiously, a smile finally emerging for the first time that night.  
  
Instead of replying, Tobias gave Jake's hand a squeeze and pulled him gently toward the newer parts of the playground: a wooden structure that resembled a pirate's ship with slides and towers and swings all over it. Slinking between the tire swings, the boys entered the crawlspace into the "lower deck" of the ship. As soon as they were settled in, the blonde pinned his seated lover against the wall in an unsusal display of dominance, planting a knee between Jake's thighs. Melting back against the wooden structure behind him, the brunette slipped his arms around Tobias' waist and pulled him closer. Their lips came together once, twice, then three times in a series of short fleeting kisses before the oddly assertive blonde pulled away and stripped his hoodie and shirt off.  
  
Impressed by his friend's initiative, Jake copycatted, removing his jacket and shirt as well. Before the sting of the cold night air could become a bother, the boys came back together in a hurricane of kisses. Lust that had been so subtle before boiled up inside of Jake as the heat of the body in his arms warmed his own skin. Goosebumps swept across his flesh, but he paid no mind, concentrating only on the shiver that Tobias' lips on his neck was sending up his spine. ((What's come over him tonight?)) he wondered to himself, letting out a small moan as Tobias ran his fingertips across the skin on his torso. He caught his friend's mouth with his own, giving over to the surge of hormones that whispered dirty instructions from a corner of his mind. Grabbing both of Tobias' hands, Jake maneouvered them around so that Tobias was lying on his back and Jake kneeled over him, one forearm pressed against the blonde's bare shoulder to hold him in place, the other arm supporting his weight. Dipping his face down to recieve another kiss, Jake bumped his nose playfully against that of his companion, getting a smile out of him. He kissed along his lover's collarbones, down the ribcage that was slightly visible beneath Tobias' pale skin, and stopped with his lips just above the boy's navel.  
  
"If you don't want to, I understand," Tobias whispered at Jake's hesitation to move any lower.  
  
"No, it's not that," Jake replied, "it's just that I don't really, erm, know what I'm doing." He blushed down at the amused face of his friend and added, "Lack of experience and all." Gently resting his head on Tobias' stomach, he felt the embarrassment continue to colour his cheeks. "I'm sorry."  
  
Reaching down to play with his leader's brown hair, Tobias shook his head, "Don't apologize, I told you I understand. It's fine. Baby steps, right? You're still getting used to the idea that you're not with a girl, and it probably feels a little weird. Trust me, it's totally fine." He touseled Jake's hair a little more before sitting up. The first thing to enter his line of vision was his boyfriend's digital watch. "Shit, what time is it?"  
  
Glancing at his wrist, Jake let out a tiny groan and groped around for his shirt. "It's almost 5:30am. I should probably try to get an hour or so of sleep before I have to get up for school." Standing to pull the garment over his head, he shot an apologetic look at the blonde soldier. "Hopefully nobody's awake at my house." After zipping his jacket, he swept down to plant a kiss on Tobias' cheek. "I'll see you this afternoon, okay? Come over around 3:30pm." Tobias nodded wordlessly. "I-I love you," Jake added as he turned and retreated from the pirate ship that would soon be flooded with imaginative third-graders. 


	5. five

-title: The Realization  
  
-author: indulgance rodent  
  
-email: hprice16@yahoo.com  
  
-summary: After a battle, Jake goes to talk to Tobias and realizes something he hadn't noticed before.   
  
-disclaimer: *walks up to podium, shuffles some papers and taps the microphone* i hereby declare that i own none of the characters that this story employs. they are the property of ms. applegate and scholastic, and i will gladly give them back when i've finished with them.   
  
-author's note: hahahahaha ruler. *ahem* hopefully this one will be a lot better than the last chapter--i was really tired when i wrote it and have this quirky habit of -needing- to finish a chapter all in one sit. so yes, i sincerely apoloize for capter four's cruddiness and hope that this is much better and makes up for it. enjoy ^_^  
  
-----  
  
Slouched low in his chair, Jake tried to soak in his teacher's monotonous voice as it droned on about Napolean. On his desk were his notebook and pencil, both untouched since he'd placed them there forty-five minutes prior. A headache was beginning behind his eyes but he chose to ignore the dull throbbing and focus on figuring out how to stage the next mission. Tom's invitation was a good excuse to get that spy gig over with, but he wanted to have as many details worked out as possible before pitching the idea to the others. ((Wednesday night is just a typical meeting as far as Tom's mentioned, so sneaking the rest of the gang in as bugs should be a piece of cake. Cockroaches would work, but their eyesight is almost nill. What bugs can see well..?)) Staring off into space, Jake's eyes slowly drooped shut and remained that way for the remaining fifteen minutes of class.   
  
"Mister Berenson," a stern, gravelly male voice snapped. "Mister Berenson, wake up." From far, far away, Jake's mind recognised the sound of his teacher speaking to him, but it refused to slip back to consciousness. The sharp sting on his bicep, however, sent his eyes flying open. "Mister Berenson, I'll not have you sleeping in class. Unless, of course, you were deep in thought about your studies! Would you care to explain what tarantulas have to do with Napolean's capture and exile to the island of Elba? You seemed to think them rather important, as you've been babbling incoherently about them for the past ten minutes." The irate history teacher was glaring at him, a ruler in one hand.  
  
((He hit me with a -ruler-?)) Jake wondered to himself with amazement. ((I didn't know that was still legal.)) Aloud, he mumbled, "Sorry, Mister Phelps. It won't happen again." He kept his eyes level with those of his teacher as he rubbed the sting on his arm, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Well, Mister Berenson, you'd better hope it doesn't," the teacher snarled, "because the next time you fall asleep in my class, you'll find yourself in detention." Just then, the bell rang, and as the rest of the students stood to leave, he barked, "You all had better read chapter seventeen! There -will- be a quiz over the material tomorrow!" The kids filtering out of the room muttered amongst themselves many less-than-pleasant remarks about their instructor under their breath to each other. Off in his own world, the teacher began humming 'In the Hall of the Mountain King' to himself and tidying his desk.   
  
((What a freak,)) Jake thought, exiting the room with the others. It was the end of the day, so he shuffled down the hall to his locker where Marco was waiting for him. "Hey," he said sleepily, leaning his head against the cold metal as he spun the combination on the lock, "what's up?"  
  
"Not a whole lot," Marco replied. "I got a bunch of homework in English, but I'll survive. Wanna shoot hoops or something?" He leaned casually against the locker next to Jake's, obscuring himself from view behind the door as Jake opened it.  
  
After taking and replacing the correct books, Jake shut his locker and said, "Actually, I have plans with someone."  
  
"You mean your birdboy?" Marco asked in a low hiss. He folded his arms over his chest and glared up at his friend. "Seriously, why didn't you tell me about you guys? You're my best friend, I thought we were past keeping secrets like this from each other." When Jake turned to look at him, he was met with a hurt look that felt like a soft punch to the gut. Tobias had told him that Marco didn't appreciate being discluded, but now it was more than apparent. "I wouldn't, like, hate you or anything."  
  
Jake sighed. "Listen, it's not like I told everyone -but- you. I didn't tell anyone at all," he replied, self-consciously shifting his eyes to see if anyone was eavesdropping. Satisfied, he went on. "We're still kind of getting used to the idea ourselves, and we didn't think it was a hot idea to draw a bunch of attention to us. There were a lot of factors going into our silence, not just whether we trusted you guys or not. A certain couple of girls' feelings are at stake, and we don't want to hurt anyone." Lowering his voice still further, he added, "Especially Rachel. She's our best fighter and I don't want her to be anything but normal when we go on our next mission. If she got too reckless, if she got herself killed, I don't know what I'd do. I talked to her last night and she was torn up enough because she -thinks- Tobias is involved with someone else. What would happen if she found out? I don't want to deal with any of that right now."  
  
Chewing on his lip, Marco considered what his leader had told him. "Okay, I get what you're saying," he said slowly with a nod. "Sorry. I won't tell Rachel." Jerking his thumb behind him, he took a couple steps back and said, "I gotta get going."  
  
-----  
  
As he walked through the door, Jake glanced at his watch. ((Good, I've got ten minutes before Tobias gets here.)) Still feeling like a zombie, he headed up to his room and rummaged through his desk drawer until he found the small box of caffeine pills. Popping a couple of Nodoze, he ran a hand through his hair and straightened his room a little. When the doorbell finally rang, he felt the slight buzz of energy from the pills starting to kick in. "Hey," he greeted the boy at the door.   
  
Tobias smiled and tucked a strand of his unruly hair behind his ear. He wore what Jake recognized as Marco's favourite Nine Inch Nails tee-shirt under an unzipped charcoal hoodie. "Hey," he replied. Walking past Jake into the house, he gestured toward the kitchen. "Can I grab something to eat?"  
  
"Of course." They moved into the kitchen, Jake experiencing a bit of deja vu while he scanned the contents of the cupboard. "I guess we need to go get groceries," he murmurred apologetically, "but is Ramen okay? That's pretty much the only good thing we have." He glanced over at his friend, who sat at the table gnawing on his fingernails absentmindedly. ((I'll assume he'd say 'yes,')) he thought. Jake put a pot of water on to boil while Tobias clicked the television onto MTV2. Smiling to himself as his lover quietly hummed along to a Hot Hot Heat video, the brunette finished up the noodles and carefully poured them into a large bowl. "Here you go," he said as he slid the bowl across the table.  
  
"Thank yoooooou," Tobias grinned before digging in. The music played on in the background, switching to Rancid's latest single. Pleased, Tobias tapped his foot against the table leg along to the beat, sometimes humming along, off in his own little world. As far as he was concerned, it was just him and the Ramen for the next few minutes. When the bowl was empty and Justin Timberlake was on the TV, Tobias snapped back to reality and wrinkled his nose. "What the hell are we listening to?"  
  
Laughing, Jake turned the television off. "Nothing," he replied, taking the bowl and fork to the sink. "C'mon, let's go hang out upstairs." He led Tobias by the hand across the kitchen, through the front room, and up the stairs. By now, the caffeine was in full effect and he felt wonderful, full of energy. Watching his blonde companion take a seat on his bed, he admired the way that the light fell across Tobias' face and hair, accidentally mumbling aloud, "You're so fucking beautiful." Tobias only blushed and shook his head, so Jake went on. "No, I'm serious." Approaching the other boy quickly, he silenced any potential argument with a kiss. "Honestly," he added after breaking away.  
  
"Uhm, thanks," Tobias responded shyly. "You're not so bad yourself, you know." More and more shades of red layered upon themselves as he blushed and looked away. "So what d'you want to do?" he asked, seeming uncomfortable at the center of attention. Leaned back against the wall on Jake's bed, he appeared to have lost the vigor he'd displayed that morning and reverted back to his usual, quiet demeanor.  
  
((Don't push him,)) Jake reminded himself. Fighting the urge to mimic the morning's activities, he gestured to the small television on his desk. "Playstation 2?" he suggested. In response to Tobias' wrinkled nose and head shake, he tried again. "Movie? I've got a bunch of DVDs downstairs we can pick from." This seemed to please the blonde, who nodded and hopped up from the bed silently. The pair traipsed down the stairway into the large living room. After taking several minutes deciding what to watch (Jake suggested Spiderman but Tobias insisted on Donnie Darko because of his secret love for Jake Gyllenhaal), they turned the light out and settled onto the couch. Throughout the film, Tobias amused his friend with theories on what Ax would have to say about the film's time-travel philosophy and comments about the antagonist's mullet.   
  
"Seriously, it's bad enough that he acts like he lived on a steady diet of paint chips and turpentine until age eight," the boy said, "but does he -have- to look like a hick too?" The look of disgust on his face made Jake chuckle.   
  
Toward the middle of the film, Tobias took Jake's hand and leaned against his shoulder, and minutes later was snoozing peacefully. Jake, too, found the call of sleep irresistable; the caffeine pills had started wearing off and his hour of sleep proved too little to sustain him. Thinking that he'd only close his eyes for a few moments, he drifted off and wasn't awoken until the credits had finished rolling and his older brother had strolled in.   
  
Flipping the lights on, Tom entered the living room and asked, "Hey Jake, have you seen--" Realizing that the slumbering Tobias still rested on his shoulder and had a grip on his hand, Jake stared at his brother and braced himself for an interrogation or barrage of insults. Surprisingly, Tom just grinned, held his hands up, and backed out of the room, saying simply, "Don't worry, I didn't see a thing." A moment later, he returned. Poking his head around the corner into the room, Tom asked, "Hey, we're still on for that Sharing meeting Wednesday night, right? Why don't you bring him? The more the merrier."  
  
((He didn't even bat an eye,)) Jake marvelled. He nodded his response to his brother in a half-daze and Tom left once more. ((The yeerks must really need new recruits if he's going to discover his brother cuddling with a guy and push a Sharing meeting instead of saying something. Especially Tom--normally he'd never let me live it down. We must have done more damage to them than we thought.)) Gently shaking his slumbering friend by the shoulder, he whispered, "Wake up, Tobias." When Tobias stirred and looked at him curiously, Jake said, "Let's go upstairs, I have to talk to you about something."  
  
---- 


End file.
